


Jealous

by Jessa



Series: One-shots and Drabbles [16]
Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, finnlo - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Cheating, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Kylux, Implied Sexual Content, Infidelity, Jealousy, M/M, Misery Loves Company, Sexual References, finnlo, finnlo kisses, hux is not in this story, kylo ren and ben are personas of the same person, kylo wants finn to call him ben and finn wants that too, kylo/ben and finn are not jealous of each other, no HEA (they’re all just pretty much sad), secret meetings, suggested finnlux, the First Order sucks and it makes everybody miserable, this is a turducken of a story, weird poems written by kylo ren
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-18
Updated: 2019-02-18
Packaged: 2019-10-30 05:04:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17822432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jessa/pseuds/Jessa
Summary: In a relationship with Hux, Kylo’s become unhappy and his misery’s led him to Finn. They’ve started meeting in secret and Kylo's just told Hux about it in an effort to improve things, but also half-hoping that maybe Hux will let Finn join them. Hux is the jealous type though, and he's said no. So Kylo has written a poem for Finn to try and explain what's happened. But he’s not very good with words.





	Jealous

**Author's Note:**

> In response to the theme of ‘Love and Angst’ for February’s StarWarsRareShipsChallenge. Ship I chose was Finnlo and the prompt I received was ‘Jealousy’ so there is some Kylux referred to although Hux isn't in this story.
> 
> The poem Kylo/Ben writes Finn is inspired by a 19th Century Polish poem called ‘Teddy and Freddy’ by Aleksander Fredro. Akashne prompted me to use this somehow in a Kylux story. It’s sort of Kylux, it’s sort of Jealousy. It’s definitely Finnlo and it’s kind of weird but I hope you like it.
> 
> Thanks also to Leoba of course for pre-reading and helping me make it a lot less weird and confusing. And of course thanks to Akashne for providing translations of the poem and helping me understand it :)

Finn hasn’t waited long. This isn’t like the time he stood for three-and-a-half hours in the southern wing of A Block, or the time he nearly froze waiting in the cells. Although Kylo made both those times worth it.

This time Kylo is very prompt, and Finn is not expecting that. He doesn’t hear him arrive, turning only when he glimpses the knight from the corner of his eye, sweeping away his mask. Finn mirrors him, a response that’s become automatic. But only ever done when they’re alone.

“You look sad,"Finn says.

“I made something for you.”

“You did?”

“Yes,” Kylo admits.

Finn turns and scans the empty hall again.

“Don’t be nervous,” Kylo murmurs, because that is how Finn feels, until he also feels soft fingers brush against his face in reassurance, and coax his attention back to Kylo’s eyes, which still look sad.

Finn sinks his cheek into the cradle of Kylo’s bare palm. For a moment he forgets where he is - the nerves allayed - lost in the colour of the eyes, and the length of the lashes, until the hiss of a door’s hydraulics returns him to the present and Kylo guides Finn inside the supply room behind them, or at least that’s what this should be, Finn thinks, turning around to face it. A supply room, full of supplies. But this isn’t that at all.

In the low light of the small room, its door now closed, Finn can see that where there should be scaffolds supporting shelving piled high with equipment there’s nought in here now but a bench. The things that should be here have all been cleared away. Someone has prepared this space.

“Hux owed you another favour, right?” Finn guesses. Is that why he looks so sad?

“Something like that,” Kylo mutters, and then he nods at the bench and looks at Finn with eyes that plead. “Stay with me here for awhile?”

The pair settle together on the bench, side by side at first. Then Kylo leans over and the men kiss deeply, and by the end of that kiss somehow Kylo has made his way all the way in to Finn’s lap.

“Do you want to know what it is now?” Kylo whispers, nuzzling beneath Finn’s jaw, working his nose all the way in until his lips are beneath Finn’s ear, against his neck.

Finn’s own nose is buried deep in the mane of Kylo’s hair, which smells sweet and familiar and faintly of rain, and just a little like the absinthian scents still lingering here in the supply room, even though all the chemicals are gone. And that makes Finn wonder how truthful Kylo’s been about the way the room’s been cleared. But Finn says nothing of that yet. All he says now is,

“Yes.”

Kylo starts to work his hands beneath the plates of Finn’s armour, slowly shedding the pieces and placing them neatly in a pile beside Finn’s left thigh.

“I memorised it,” Kylo says as he works.

“Memorised it?” Finn echoes. “Well, what is it? Some kind of…?”

“Poem.”

Finn starts to smile and Kylo pauses, now looking faintly wounded, too, on top of the sad.

“You think it’s…”

“No, I don’t,” Finn says quickly, dropping the smile and staring up at Kylo’s face in earnest. “I _don’t_ think that.”

“You might though, when you hear it.”

“You said you made it for me.”

“I _wrote_ it for you, yes.”

“Well, if you _wrote_ it for me,” Finn says, “Then there’s no way I could think that. There’s no way that I _couldn’t_ like it.”

Finn pulls him nearer, caressing Kylo’s mouth with his own, then drawing away to wait until Kylo can finally say it, albeit very quietly.

“Okay. _Hux and Kylo live in one place.”_

Finn waits, but Kylo says nothing else.

“Is that the end?” Finn asks.

“No, of course not.”

“You stopped, that’s all. I just wondered.”

“Well I was just making sure.”

“Making sure of what?”

“Making sure that you wouldn’t laugh.”

 _“Ben,”_ Finn whispers. “Why would I _laugh?”_

Kylo doesn’t answer with words, but the glance he gives Finn says more anyway.

“I _won’t_ _laugh,”_ Finn promises. “I mean, I guess that is unless it’s meant to be funny, and _then_ I might laugh. Is it meant to be funny?”

“No,” Kylo says. “But it might not make sense.”

“I’ll ask questions, then,” Finn offers. “If it doesn’t make sense, I’ll ask questions. Want me to do that?”

“Yes.”

“Okay. So, start over?”

Kylo takes a fresh breath, a little deeper this time, but he speaks the words in the same soft voice, melodically, like a song not sung.

_“Hux and Kylo live in one place. Hux above and Kylo below. Hux isn’t placid, he often makes waves. Kylo chases cars, he’s brought one home.”_

Finn thinks it sounds soothing said like that, like a poem should, although he hasn’t heard that many in his life, but he can suppose. And it takes him a moment to realise Kylo’s stopped again, because the pause he takes seems at first like it should be there, but after awhile it stretches for what Finn feels like is maybe too long. So Finn tries prompting again.

“Keep going.”

“Does it make sense though?”

Finn purses his lips and works them around, thinking. It doesn’t actually make much sense at all to Finn, but he doesn’t say that.

“Sort of,” is what he says, but Kylo is still looking wounded, so Finn adds, “I mean _yes._ Yes it _does_ make sense and I like the way you say it, so please keep going. I like listening to the sound of your voice.”

“Do you have any questions about it yet?”

“No,” Finn says, stretching the truth just a little again, but then he backpedals. “Well actually maybe I do have just one. About the cars.”

“Do you know what cars are?”

“Yeah, I’ve seen them.”

Kylo frowns.

 _“I have_ _so_ ,” Finn insists. “Speeders with wheels. But you didn’t mean those. You didn’t mean _actual_ cars, you meant...”

“Yes. I did mean that. I meant for it to be a metaphor.”

“Right. Okay.”

“Finn?”

“Yeah?”

“This is the part where it starts to get weird.”

“Better keep going, then.”

“ _That’s not a car, it’s a cat,’ Hux bustles, shooting and shouting until he’s worn out. ‘Have mercy on me please, don’t interfere,’ and Kylo continues, ‘Finn likes to be here’...”_

“Oh,” Finn interrupts, eyes widening. “Am _I_ in this?”

“Well, of course you are, I wrote it for you.”

“But I didn’t think I’d be _in_ it. I just thought…”

“Well you are. You’re in it _._ And you see, _he_ _doesn’t like that._ But _I do.”_

“Doesn’t like…? Wait... Ben, you _never_ told me that he was…”

But Finn can’t finish that sentence. Kylo looks too sad again. And Finn starts to think that if what he thinks Kylo’s trying to say is actually what he’s saying, well then Finn can’t say that word aloud anyway, because he doesn’t want to think about that, either.

“Do you want me to stop?” Kylo mutters.

“No,” Finn says. “Let me hear it all.”

_“He pets Finn and strokes him and then they change laps, and lapping he does as Finn starts to lap back. Then up and in to Finn’s warm embrace, removing the ears which have slipped down his face.”_

_“But it’s only the glare Kylo can’t see that’s cold. Hux disappears, and now they’re alone. ‘What shall we do next?’ asks Kylo, with rod. ‘Fish for me, Cat,’ Finn tells, “Until you’re worn out’...”_

“With _rod?”_ Finn snorts, interrupting again.

Kylo snuggles in closer and presses the tip of his long nose to Finn’s.

 _“Next morning,”_ he whispers, _“Fish is still in their bed. Cat is there yawning, his whiskers still wet. Fish slips off Cat’s ears and sets them aside. ‘Our home is your castle, Finn dear,’ Kylo says with no words, only smile.”_

Kylo lowers his mouth to Finn’s.

“And that’s the end,” he whispers again, grazing Finn’s lips with his own as he says it.

“What does the last part mean?” Finn murmurs. “About the home? I don’t really get that part.”

“It’s based on a rhyme, that someone read to me once,” Kylo explains. “In the rhyme the castle is a home, and the two men who live there should both be free to do what they want, because they’re at home. And that’s what a home is supposed to be but in the poem, it’s not like that.”

“Is that why you cleared this out today?” Finn asks, glancing around them at the nearly empty room. “Because I know _you_ did this, Ben, not _him_. I can smell this place in your hair. He didn’t owe you a favour at all. He didn’t do any of this, like you led me to believe. He made  _you_ do it, so you could meet me here. _That’s_ why you’re so sad today, isn’t it?”

”And that’s also why you wrote this,” Finn goes on. “And memorised it. Because you didn’t know how else to tell me, or where else, did you? You didn’t know how else or where else to tell me that he’s _never_ known about us until now, even though you said he did. After all these times we’ve met in secret… That wasn’t just some kink, like you said. You had to hide it because he didn’t know about us. And you couldn’t say any of that to me any other way but like this.”

Kylo’s eyes are damp. But he doesn’t make a single sound in response. And Finn knows that means that every word of what he just said to Kylo was right.

“I _love_ your poem, Ben,” Finn whispers. “I don’t think it’s weird at all. I just think it’s really, really sad.”

“Thanks,” Kylo breathes, unzipping Finn’s body-glove and working his palms beneath the open fabric.

And Finn leans back against the durasteel wall as Kylo’s hungry lips find his grateful mouth again.

**Author's Note:**

> 


End file.
